Some Realizations

Feeling a little bummed at the moment. I hate it when something takes the wind out of your sails. Especially when you start with a cheery day feeling like you can conquer all. Today, I awakened groggy, exhausted, lazy, dry and sore throat, and wanting to go back to bed. 

After breakfast, a shower, some time in Scripture and writing to the Lord, I was alert to go on with the day with gusto. I put on a new ultra soft and cozy sweater with my light brown riding boots to keep me warm and was off to the bank for a proactive errand of planning for future adventures. I had a skip in my step. I was feeling efficient as I plugged in my laptop and set up my few hours at work.

Then I received an email from a potential new client and was so discouraged. Appointment cancelled. I'm not needed. At all. Sigh. I want to help people. Why aren't they coming to my office? Why aren't they calling for services and support? Where are the emails? What am I doing with myself? 

Oh, and God speaks to me even in this moment and loudly reminds me that He has me in this place for a reason and a purpose. With that He reminds me to be contented. To enjoy. To revel. To be at comfort and peace. He is allowing me so many opportunities to help people. People are coming to my "office" in my home, scheduling time with me, seeking me out. I am receiving calls for support and to be involved with supporting others. Those emails are there. I am following the promptings God has laid upon my heart. I am following His direction and leading. None of it is in the precise form I would have planned or thought. But, that's the great part. He throws you for a loop and makes it (and you) beautiful! 

I can be joyful. I can revel. I can feel His comfort even if the changes are uncomfortable. I know His peace overwhelms me. And His provision and love even more. I don't know if I would have come to this conclusion nearly so quickly a few months ago. I hope that Jesus is continuing to grow and stretch my heart in ways that I could never have imagined.

Also, I had such an encouraging word from a cousin yesterday afternoon (happy birthday to her!). She reminded me how I went straight to college, followed by graduate school, jumped into a career pretty quick, pursued my license and certifications, started my own business. Now I am in this lull. She asked why I should feel badly about it since I had worked so hard. Everyone else has taken a break at some point and now is my time for a break, were her thoughts. I somehow felt a little more peaceful about the client load building so creepingly.

God is faithful. Of this He always reminds me, even in my most despairing, depressing, selfish moments. He is faithful.